Recently a post from Moma Bear got me to thinking about my children, and just how much I do miss them.
It was easy for me to tell her how WE GIVE THEM ROOTS AND WE GIVE THEM WINGS, but deep in my heart I knew I could never let them go like the old proverbs instruct Mothers to do.
I wish mine lived down the road, and could come for Sunday dinners, and football games, and game nights, etc., etc., But no such luck...
I'm retired, and it is harder than I thought it would be. I just can't seem to get myself in order. I need to update the house. The money is there, I just can't make myself go to a contractor, and get the show on the road. I need to go out of town, and pick out stuff for my house, but I just can't get myself out of my house, except to go walking, which is saving my life these days.....
All I want to do it think about my kids, and how much I miss them. I wait anxiously to hear from them, which is pretty regularly for the girl, but the boy can go weeks without emailing or calling. I usually make the first move.
We were so close, and enjoyed life so much, (it was extremely hard) and it was my goal in life to get them thru college and out of this area, and they did. They worked themselves thru college,I helped as much as I could, and they took off as soon as possible.......
They have a life separate from mine,(which in my heart I know is normal) and I just miss them....
I cut this out of our paper yesterday, and I hope I can memorize it.
JEWISH WISDOM HOLDS THAT OUR CHILDREN DON'T BELONG TO US. THEY ARE BOTH A LOAN AND A GIFT FROM GOD, AND THE GIFT HAS STRINGS ATTACHED.
OUR JOB IS TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN TO LEAVE US. THE CHIDREN'S JOB IS TO FIND THEIR OWN PATH IN LIFE. IF THEY STAY CAREFULLY PROTECTED IN THE NEST OF THE FAMILY, CHILDREN WILL BECOME WEAK AND FEARFUL OR FEEL TOO COMFORTABLE TO WANT TO LEAVE......
My husbands son lives hours from him, but calls every time he changes his underwear.....He was raised very priviledged, and I envy the need he has for his dad.....
I thought I had found my own path in life until I retired. For health reasons, I cannot go back to teaching, but perhaps, I need to find something, even if it means driving out of town. I really am tired tho, and the answers just aren't coming.......
I did'nt realize just how much I missed them, until I retired.....
Is is just because I am empty, and updating a house seems so unimportant? I really wish we lived in a larger town...There is absolutly nothing here.....
What does God expect a Mother to do when the past 35 years is no longer important? Was I just working for nothing? Is being a mother not all its cracked up to be?
So many questions......
